February: There is a new unruliness that takes time to emerge. A permanent potential of subtle chaos and gentle disruption (comparable to the mild high of caffeine) in my days, a set of fresh annoyances that remind me of the ways of the universe. I invite it, and I cherish it, and I invite the change in external and internal expression, they go well with open shirt sleeves and polished boots.
June: My hair is now the longest it has been in years, and astonishingly, i am able to stand its blatant imperfection. There is no purpose in its style and no swagger in its unkempt appearance. Having hair and doing nothing about it is to relinquish control, to be defenseless, it is to not have an answer. The hair is a non-statement, it just is (while paradoxically being strong-willed and chaotic by nature, with a wiry strength in all the wrong directions, at odds with all ideals and imaginations). My hair has taken me this far, it allowed me some casualness, and the freedom to tear down rules without letting arbitration take their place. Rather, it’s like replacing a rigid structure with polyform mesh, something equally strong, but less brittle, less restrictive and less reliant on forces and powers. One day, things might emerge, where I say the words and am understood instead of bending them and the universe to my will, like my hair.